The women of the world are in a state of panic.  All Wal*Mart stores are closing for good.  Wal*Mart exec.s have stated that women were just too slouchy and didn’t even seem to care where they were and they were not going to put up with it anymore.  The stores will remain open for men only and boys. WNG (Weedeaters News Group) has talked to women all over the world and it has been reported that women are fainting and some have just gone off the deep end.  Women are crying everywhere.  Mens meals were not being prepaired and even the prostitutes have stopped they’er services.  Only a handful of men have expressed any concerns.  Most of the women interviewed didn’t know there were other stores or where they might be located.  Most doughnut shops are full of police women discussing the situation and have vowed to go on a gang member hunt to see who hasn’t been dressing properly.  It’s been rumored that other discount stores may follow suit.  Women everywhere have vowed to dress better and spend even more money.  “Too late” is all they can get from the Wal*Mart exectutives and that they should have followed proper attire like the men of the world have done ever since the chain of stores opened.  Alas, it’s a black day for women as some are just wondering the streets like zombies and have nowhere to go.  One woman was quoted at Piggly Wiggly as saying “It’s just not the same, I may get mugged of my groceries before I get home”.  Men all over are sitting their wives down and explaining how they can get by but men say it is hard to tell a woman who has never heard of another way.  Back in the old folks day, there was no Wal*Mart and women don’t understand that, says Clois of Brownwood.  “Where did the government get airplanes for WWII”?  Jenny says.  Many men find these questions hard to answer.  A man living on a tiny island in the Pacific was quoted as saying, “What’s a Wal*Mart” and his wife slapped him.  Some women in Texas are becoming violent and have turned to drinking wine. One woman in the South Central part of the state was seen out in the bush shooting ferral hogs with a hand gun and cussing.  That lady in Brownwood has again asked her husband, “OKay, then what are we gonna do if there is a WWIII”?  All the man could say was, “This is WWIII”. 

This reporter has no idea of what to do nor do I know who does.  Obamer can’t be located and Palosi is just like Michelle, shell shocked.  Only the future will tell what the outcome will be.  Prices may sky rocket, new stores may open, while others close….further confusing women.  Some men will do the shopping while some women will start dressing even more like men since women started wearing pants and smoking cigarettes.  The men who work at all stores were promised new jobs but there was one they couldn’t promise a new job to.  He is the Wal*Mart greeter , who’ll whoop your kids for you.  Since all men do their own whooping, they said they might move him over to guns.  The Navy has offerd to help with supplying cooks for the delicatesen since, men are better cooks anyway.  The ladies section and female toys will be eliminated so that more men stuff can be added and housewares will be reduced.  A line of Harley-Davidsons has been rumored as well as accessories, to be coming soon.  More news at eleven.

    Ya’ll believe all that, don’t cha?  It could happen.  What a real he-man world this would be.  Then men could do real manly thangs like I did yesterdy.  I got my bestest trusty pliers out and grabbed that nasty old loose tooth and gave it a twist and whopped the heck out of it with my other hand and went right on back to working.  It was out.  Ma’am has a different tale of this tho.  She says I bit down on it in my sleep and it came out in my mouth.  You know who the old hens  women on Facebook will side with don’t ya.  Thats okay, women haven’t got a chance.  The next time I go to Wa*Mart, I’m gonna smile and think about what I just wrote.  I just hope I don’t get into trouble for writing it.  I really wanna be president of the USA someday.  I figger I have half of the population on my side at the moment.  All I can say for women is if you dress more like the women at Hooters, the men of Wal*Mart might start letting ya’ll back in.  Some of ya’ll just need to warsh what clothes you have and put on/takeoff some cosmetics.  You never know, they may just ban ugly women.  I think the door greeter’s job is open here.  Hmmmm  I could stop the ugly women and whoop ther kids, too.  I gotta git outa here.  I’m going to Wal*Mart.  Later my friends.

Ronmower  “Stands With Belt”  Weedeater;

 PS….It’s also been rumored that Samuel Walton has rolled over in his grave

  It jist don’t seem right.  At this time of the year, I not only need to mow, I gotta mow ever dang thang.  The grass is 8 inches to a foot tall…..all over the place and rain expected Tuesday.  My yard is embarrasing, especially where the dogs have tromped trails thru it.  Well, the Honda is sitting there, ready to go with all new tires that never even got low since I put them on.  Now, how do I talk myself into climbing on and actually going to work?  I think I might feel silly, mowing in late January but maybe I could wear a ski mask and they won’t know who I am. 

    A crazy friend of mine is moving to Brownwood and he came by to see if I wanted a bunch of stuff from his garage.  Charlie had enough paint and weird stuff to fill my Cushman dumptruck and then he says he’s having a Garage sale.  “BOING”  I listened up.  I love a MANs garage sale.  He hadn’t even opened it yet and he allowed me to be the first customer.  I blowed thirty bucks and filled the Cushman up again.  So, instead of mowing, I could be back there in the shop,  playing and putting away my new toys.  But nooooo.  I gotta mow and it’s Sunday.  I always daydream after a few miles about the strangest stuff like pouring black coffee into a black cup and how blind people have that solved by putting a finger just inside.  Some of my bestest idears come from sitting on that oriental mower.  Maybe I can figger a better way to yank this tooth out that I been telling ya’ll about.  Oh yeahhhh, I still got the thang a wobblin around in there. 

    I don’t know what is going on but I have had more men at my shop in the last two weeks than I had all of last year.  A time or two, Alton’s barn unloaded and they all end up here and I don’t even know some of them.  I went up to the mail boxes and when I came back  (2-3 minutes ) later,  Big Jackie is sitting in the doorway like he’s guarding the place.  Then I backed the Cushman up to the doors and let him rummage thru all the stuff that Charlie gave me.  I jist remembered something that Charlie said.  We have this guy in town that everyone pokes fun at and his name is Bolinger.  Charlie said that he went to the coffee shop and there sat Bolinger.  Charlie said Bolinger was all hang dog and he needed a job and that he’s broke.  Bolinger is a first class painter and sheetrock guy and does wonderful work in folks homes.  So, Charlie says he has a house that Bolinger can paint, if he has a long ladder because the house is way up there.  Bolinger got all happy and says lets go look at it.  Bolinger says he has a ladder that’ll reach the moon.  Bolinger follerd Charlie back home and they got out and  there’s two single story houses there.  Bolinger said which one is it?  Charlie says come around here.  They did.  Bolinger is standing there and finally says “Well, where is it”?  Charlie says  “Up there”.  It was a bird house.  Charlie has pulled stunts like this before on Bolinger and just as bad or worse. 

    I have a crick in my neck this morning AND a headache but not bad enough to keep me from mowing.  The temperature is a perfect 72 and I don’t wanna.  I guess I will tho.  I bet I won’t get no friends around today when they see me mowing.  They’ll scatter like cockroaches when the light is turned on.  Oh they’ll honk as they go by and show me they’re middle fanger.  I’ll wave and never lose my train of thought.  Now where was I.  I guess I’d druther mow than to yank that tooth.  Ma’am is up now, giving me the evil eye.  I need to go mow down to the haunted house first and then move back this way to lot #2.  After that maybe my back will be hurting or I need to do something to the mower.  Thats it, a highly technical problem could arise.  Hotdag, my problems are solved unless she wants me to pull that tooth.  I gotta git busy ya’ll, Check ya later.  My friends.

Ronmower “Stands and Sits” Weedeater;

It's dark in here.

blows more than the others?  I told my Facebook friends about my left pointing fanger catching on fire the other day.  I dropped a bb size, glowing hot piece of metal on it and burned it.  Later I put New Skin on it and then promptly blew hot metal all over it and caught it on fire again.  A few minutes ago, not thinking, I put some more New Skin on it.  Any way, this finger takes more abuse than all the others.  I stuck the hand grinder to it last week…..three times where this burn is.  Hair don’t grow much on my fingers, did I mention that?  I just looked at that place and it’s turning black.  Hmmmm  One time, I when I left the coffee shop, I got it caught in the door and lost that finger nail.  At least I have never been bitten on the left heal by snakes, three times.  I won’t mention Dr. Shirley’s name tho.  I know I hafta be real careful around fire and firecrackers tho.  When you have a bad luck finger like this, $httuf happens.  My old pot belly takes a close second when it comes to fire and hot stuff.  I got more little burn marks on it than Ma’am can count.

    From last time, I said I was going to tell all about that loose, wobbly tooth if I still had it…….again.  Guess whut?  I still got it.  Oh, it’s fine…..I jist ain’t brave enough yet to try jerking it out again.  Nuff said.

    I just spilt hot coffee on my big toe.  I dunno, maybe my whole gorgeous body is a magnet to injuries.  You know…..Ma’ams hand and my head.  Buster just bit that fanger.  Maybe it’s writing blogs.  It just seems like everytime I go to write, thangs happen.  That finger was turning orange a little bit ago, but that was cause of Cheetos. 

    I just learned yesterdy that the city is going to shut down the ulectricity from 2pm until 6pm today for some reason…just in this neighborhood.  All cities are supposed to do this from time to time, was the best I could determine.  We pay for them NOT to have power outages and these yokels do it on purpose.  I don’t know how folks at evening church services are to handle this, but I don’t know what else to do.  I’m thanking of cranking up the generator and leave the front porch lights on during this period.  That oughta spook ‘em pretty good.  I just thought of my supper.  Whoa is me.  They would never dream of doing this over in the uppidy part of town.  No computer, no tv, no welding or grinding…..it jist ain’t right I tell ya.  I won’t even be able to see where to start a fire.  If I do it outside without food, it’ll tick the fire department off.  Them guys are a bit cranky anyways.

      I’m going to stop early and figger out this tooth thang and see if that ole generator will still crank.  Later my friends.

Ronmower “Stands With Burning Finger” Weedeater;

If you’ve ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?”

The CEO said, “Wait right here.” He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”

From across the room a voice said, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

f time.  An imagination if you will.  Ma’am says I got a goodun.  I can wake up with an idea and then ferget it, too.  When building a barbeque on wheels, I purdy much know what it is gonna look like when I start building it.  I can see it in colors too.  One time, I had built one that was red and black and I named it “Black Widder”.  One day I look out there at it and there was this little space alien (bless his heart) out there kicking the tires and whatnot, so I went out there and I guess it skeered him and he beemed hisself up and took off in his tiny little silver spaceship.  Three or two days later , I saw him circling around out there but now he had painted his spaceship black and red, just like my barbeque.  Theres this old hen  gal on Facebook that oughta like that story, she sees spaceships, don’t cha know.  I jist thought of something else that it don’t hurt to have and thats tools.  The kind that you know what they are for.  I got this one new one that I made the other day.  I took my (reciperocating) Sawsall and whacked the end off the old blade on it.  Now it’s flat on the end and makes a dang good ulectric scraper or I can put a new blade and go back to cutting.  They sell a set of three blades as a fantastic new idea, on television for thirty bucks.  I’ll just keep Ma’am’s money and make my own fer free.  Have ya ever took about four or three feet of one inch pipe, with one end capped off and dropped lit firecrackers into the others end and then a rock.  You then hold it out to see if it’ll shoot like an old bluderbuss rifle or shotgun.  Don’t do it.  They usually don’t have enough air to fire, but when they do, the pipe vibrates so hard you’ll thank you broke both hands.  What happened to the rock doesn’t matter anymore.  We used to build plastic models of WWII ships that would float and go down to the creek and push them out a ways with lit firecrackers on them.  That was almost as much fun as watching midget wrestlers.  I was going to tell ya’ll all something good this time but I can’t remember whut it was. Now I can.  Ya see, I got this tooth.  This is where Ma’am starts scrunching up her face.  Anyway, there this tooth.  It’s just hanging there from the right front and its ugly.  It’s long and just wobbles around like a boxers punching bag.  Ma’am keeps telling me to go yank it out like I did the last one.  Sometimes I’ll see Ma’am looking over here at me from her her computer and I’ll use my tongue to flop it all around.  I think thats why she ain’t hit me lately, shes afraid of gitting too close to that tooth.  She told me that again two days ago and I reached over here for the little pliers and got me a good holt.  With my other hand/arm, I took a grand slam hit at my other hand.  There was a little pain, and then there was more.  I let go of the pliers and the real bad pain quit.  Seems as if the tooth was not on the floor or anywhere.  It was still in my mouth and I just needed to let go of it with the pliers.  Blood?  A little.  Have you ever had to sleep with a tooth ache that never hurt before.  I’m going to do this again.  Can ya belieb dat?  I can see that tooth out.  Thats that good imagination I was telling you about.  The thing is, I can see it hanging down by my chin on a string of meat and Ma’am chasing me with scissors.  Words like dry socket, infection, pain, dentist, they keep coming up.  Now, I’m skeered.  The other one went “THOCK” and that was the end of that tune.  Ma’am says it may be hooked to my right eye muscle because of my right eye going goofy when I pulled on the tooth.  I’m going to wait until it stops hurting before I do a dang thang.  The dogs sure like to watch.  I guess they think I’m going to give it to them.  Sometimes, out in the shop, I get ticked off at it and almost brave enough to yank on it again.  Then I think about my eye.  What iffn I yank on it and the pain is so horrible and I cain’t get back into the house because my eye is wobbling around all over and I fall down eighteen times and, and, and.  And heres the deal.  If I still got this tooth by next Sunday……I’m going to tell all you’se sqeemish folks about it all over again.  My friends.

Ronmower “Stands With Tooth”  Weedeater;

Ya ever feel like this?

MORNING;  The dogs are out and I’m so tired.  Alone at last to write a few more words.  At 63 years old, I’m starting to think that humans were not meant to sleep all at one time.  You know, maybe a little at Wal*mart or the grocery store parking lots.  The front porch here is too close to the hiway but that couch in the office sure is soft, short but soft.  I can’t sleep back there , theres too much work to do and people are in and out all the time.  So, I sleep when I can…….with Rascal.  He’s soft and warm, too.  Ma’am?  Her knuckles are hard, feet are cold, and she snores like Baby the big dog.  If I snore, she’ll dang sure let me know about it.  Wanna know what the Ronmower does on a Saturday night?  Thats when I gotta take a shower.  Ma’am’ll gimme a clean pillow case and feed me.  Heck, I might even put on some clean drawers.  I caught my last ones on fire the other day and now I’m down to five.  While others are out having a good Saturday night and I’m thru yabbering at them old hens women on Facebook, I go to bed at 8:pm.  So, all you folks out there who have a problem sleeping, tell me about it……I don’t care.  Have ya ever listened to an old fat dog phart?  I’d just as soon listen to Baby, who is up under the table here, phartin away in her sleep.  I can’t go back in there to the bedroom….same sound.  I guess I better work this post on out and get on back there to the shop and get some real he-man work done.  If it t’wernt 23 degrees outside, I’d hide out in the back seat of Ma’ams car.  If I don’t catch ya in the future, I’ll catch ya in the pasture……my friends.

Ronmower “Runs Alone” Weedeater;

“Childbirth at 65″

Here it is Christmas day.  Yawn.  The sun ain’t up yet.  What a night.  Somewhere around three or two, I woke up as usual.  I heard a click, bessssss, and a phone hangs up.  What ta heck????  I reach down and felt of my leg, the dog Rascal……I’m not asleep.  I’m spooked outa my gord here.  Then I hear a bussing and thousands of people are chattering and it’s coming from the telephone lines up by the highway.  It fades out.  Then it’s back.  I don’t know whether to yell (scream) for Ma’am or what you can do about something like that.  Rascal doesn’t hear it.  Am I going honkeytonks here in the middle of the night???  Turns out that my chest was making all these sounds because I smoke too much.  Ever once in a blue moon, my chest will do that, when I lay down.  I clear my throat and all is fine, tho Rascal is not so sure.

    Ever year on New Years eve, some of the folks around town buy some expensive fireworks that will sizzle way on up there and then KABOOM.  The cops just set back and watch because these few people are spaced out all over town and they can’t catch them.  They don’t know who they are and these folks don’t know each other……besides, the first time is just a warning.  Wonder what would happen if I let loose with one shotgun blast?  No really, what if I walk out on the sidewalk, in my drawers, let one off and scurry on back in the house.  I’m sure thanking about it.   I done that one year and a tree branch came down and nearly tore me drawers off.  It left a big ole scratch across my butt and I decided not to ever do that again.  But, what if I walk out from under that mean ole tree.  I think it’s a plan.  I got my power line once and a street light, but I’ll be careful this time.  I like that shotgun but the dogs don’t.  One time, I shot a possum that was up under the kitchen sink and my dogs wouldn’t have nuttin to do with me for three or two days.  Still, the excitement of New Years fo me doesn’t stop there.  One can still have fun going to Wal*Mart.  Watching folks exchange, getting money back, trading for something else, and mostly,  for me it’s the drunks and those with hangovers.  If you get tired of that, amble on around the store and maybe see how many kiddos are still bawling for toys.  Watch how full people fill their baskets.  Even the pharmacie can be fun when folks are begging for seditives.  The dog and cat food section will be vacant but the clothes section will be full of mad women.  I’ve never gone into a fitting room and hollared for toilet paper…….yet.  I’ve noticed that a lot of women start smoking and drinking during this season.  Hospitals get busier, churches are busier and so are the Highway Patrol.  There are so many ways for folk to meet with a fate they ain’t expecting.  Some good, some bad.  Alcohol don’t help none any.  Chocolate does, however.  On Facebook, I’d ask everone what they were gonna git me fer Christmas.  Everbody would laugh, ecept these two old hens women that love giving me a rough time.  One wanted to send me one of her empty wine bottles and the other one said “No, lets send him a fruitcake.  One of the guys jumped in and told me not to take it as it will be ticking.  Don’t ya just love this time of the year?  Today, I’m going to be happy by welding stuff together in the shop.  I cut stuff for parts yesterday and today I’ll weld them together.  I know its a Sunday as well as Christmas but I can be happy doing this and folks need to be happy.  Hey, its bettern drinking or mopeing around the house wishing I was out there.  Five or four hours out there is plenty, anyway. It’s been raining but it ain’t quite cold enough for snow…yet. If it does do that, then I’ll go back up front and watch the drivers out on the streets and listen to the hoopla on the scanner.  The wrecker driver (only one) will be busier than a three legged dog on a racoon farm.  I gotta go folks, my coffee is gittin cold.  Later, my friends.

    Ronmower “Happy” Weedeater;

A TOUCHING CHRISTMAS STORY

A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. Walking through the mall
the surprised wife looked up and noticed her husband was no where around. She was very upset because they had
a lot to do. She used her cell phone to call her husband because she was so upset, to ask him where he was.

The husband in a calm voice said, honey remember the jewlery store we went into 5 years ago where you fell in love
with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day.

His wife said crying, yes I remember that jewlery store. 

He said, well …. I’m in the bar next to it….