Mowing in January….whatttt??

    It jist don’t seem right.  At this time of the year, I not only need to mow, I gotta mow ever dang thang.  The grass is 8 inches to a foot tall…..all over the place and rain expected Tuesday.  My yard is embarrasing, especially where the dogs have tromped trails thru it.  Well, the Honda is sitting there, ready to go with all new tires that never even got low since I put them on.  Now, how do I talk myself into climbing on and actually going to work?  I think I might feel silly, mowing in late January but maybe I could wear a ski mask and they won’t know who I am. 

    A crazy friend of mine is moving to Brownwood and he came by to see if I wanted a bunch of stuff from his garage.  Charlie had enough paint and weird stuff to fill my Cushman dumptruck and then he says he’s having a Garage sale.  “BOING”  I listened up.  I love a MANs garage sale.  He hadn’t even opened it yet and he allowed me to be the first customer.  I blowed thirty bucks and filled the Cushman up again.  So, instead of mowing, I could be back there in the shop,  playing and putting away my new toys.  But nooooo.  I gotta mow and it’s Sunday.  I always daydream after a few miles about the strangest stuff like pouring black coffee into a black cup and how blind people have that solved by putting a finger just inside.  Some of my bestest idears come from sitting on that oriental mower.  Maybe I can figger a better way to yank this tooth out that I been telling ya’ll about.  Oh yeahhhh, I still got the thang a wobblin around in there. 

    I don’t know what is going on but I have had more men at my shop in the last two weeks than I had all of last year.  A time or two, Alton’s barn unloaded and they all end up here and I don’t even know some of them.  I went up to the mail boxes and when I came back  (2-3 minutes ) later,  Big Jackie is sitting in the doorway like he’s guarding the place.  Then I backed the Cushman up to the doors and let him rummage thru all the stuff that Charlie gave me.  I jist remembered something that Charlie said.  We have this guy in town that everyone pokes fun at and his name is Bolinger.  Charlie said that he went to the coffee shop and there sat Bolinger.  Charlie said Bolinger was all hang dog and he needed a job and that he’s broke.  Bolinger is a first class painter and sheetrock guy and does wonderful work in folks homes.  So, Charlie says he has a house that Bolinger can paint, if he has a long ladder because the house is way up there.  Bolinger got all happy and says lets go look at it.  Bolinger says he has a ladder that’ll reach the moon.  Bolinger follerd Charlie back home and they got out and  there’s two single story houses there.  Bolinger said which one is it?  Charlie says come around here.  They did.  Bolinger is standing there and finally says “Well, where is it”?  Charlie says  “Up there”.  It was a bird house.  Charlie has pulled stunts like this before on Bolinger and just as bad or worse. 

    I have a crick in my neck this morning AND a headache but not bad enough to keep me from mowing.  The temperature is a perfect 72 and I don’t wanna.  I guess I will tho.  I bet I won’t get no friends around today when they see me mowing.  They’ll scatter like cockroaches when the light is turned on.  Oh they’ll honk as they go by and show me they’re middle fanger.  I’ll wave and never lose my train of thought.  Now where was I.  I guess I’d druther mow than to yank that tooth.  Ma’am is up now, giving me the evil eye.  I need to go mow down to the haunted house first and then move back this way to lot #2.  After that maybe my back will be hurting or I need to do something to the mower.  Thats it, a highly technical problem could arise.  Hotdag, my problems are solved unless she wants me to pull that tooth.  I gotta git busy ya’ll, Check ya later.  My friends.

Ronmower “Stands and Sits” Weedeater;

DRINKING WITH A REDNECK GIRL                                              from Michigan Diane

A MEXICAN , AN ARAB AND A REDNECK GIRL ARE ALL IN THE SAME BAR. WHEN THE MEXICAN FINISHES HIS BEER, HE THROWS HIS GLASS UP IN THE AIR, PULLS OUT HIS PISTOL AND SHOOTS THE GLASS TO PIECES. HE SAYS, “OUR GLASSES ARE SO CHEAP WE DON’T NEED TO DRINK FROM THE SAME ONE TWICE!”  THE ARAB, OBVIOUSLY IMPRESSED BY THIS, DRINKS HIS BEER, THROWS HIS GLASS INTO THE AIR, PULLS OUT HIS AK-47 AND SHOOTS THE GLASS INTO PIECES. HE SAYS, “IN THE ARAB WORLD WE HAVE SO MUCH SAND TO MAKE GLASSES WE DON’T NEED TO DRINK FROM THE SAME GLASS TWICE EITHER!”  THE REDNECK GIRL, COOL AS A CUCUMBER, PICKS UP HER BEER, DOWNS IT WITH ONE GULP, THROWS THE GLASS INTO THE AIR PULLS OUT HER 45 AND SHOOTS THE MEXICAN AND THE ARAB, CATCHING HER GLASS, SETTING IT ON THE BAR AND CALLING FOR A REFILL. SHE SAYS,”IN AMERICA WE HAVE SO MANY ILLEGAL MEXICANS AND ARABS THAT WE DON’T HAVE TO DRINK WITH THE SAME ONES TWICE.

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